handshakes

I was thinking today about handshakes. it's hard to know what to do these days. in the olden days, there was just the one, and maybe two if you were a mason. you knew what you were gonna get. oh, there was also a third- the politician's handshake, where you use both hands. (this is to decrease the pressure of the other person's squeeze for somebody who has to shake a lot of hands for a living)

these days, you don't know if somebody's gonna want to just bump fists, grab your thumb, do the normal one, or some funky-assed shit involving changes in grip, pressure, height and maybe a high-five on the end... it's mad. half the time, I end up punching someone's thumb. which I guess is like the social equivalent of winning at 'paper, scissors, stone.'

(looking at the shape of these two paragraphs now, they look brilliant- they're almost perfectly balanced)