This from 19th Feb this year... satire's not dead, it's just not very well...

BRITNEY SHEARED!

Oops, she did it again- troubled pop vixen, Britney Spears,
has just pulled off her most hair-raising stunt- she has chopped off all of her hair.
According to stunned onlookers, the tearful singer, 25,
RAN into the closed salon,
BEGGED the coiffeuse to shave off her raven locks,
and then GRABBED the clippers and gave herself a sheer, number-one buzz-cut.

According to witnesses, Britney also;
*CRIED in her car for twenty minutes
*HID her newly bald noggin under a hoodie
*UMMED AND AHHED about giving her billiard-ball bonce a polish

blah blah blah summary… hair for sale on ebay…
dumped husband by text… rehab… tormented pop princess,
blah blah blah media circus, career tailspin, paris hilton…etc.